Lost....

im new to blogging, this actually happens to be my 1st blog ever and not even sure if people will waste time reading any of my blogs. inspite of my negativity and lack of confidence, im doing it anyway. i consider myself "disturbed" not in a very deep shit though. I'm a Medical Technology graduate and what i went thru during college wasnt easy, maybe most of us did. We basically took up subjects, medicine students take. And yes, that was my dream, to be a doctor. 1st what could have been in my life ( what if i continued medicine), funny dumb question huh? That probably is one of my frustrations. I have wasted a lot of time being a BUM and now i cant turn back time, i wish i could! Now im a stuck up bum, infront of the laptop all day. Im thinking of what could be my calling in life. Im not a risk taker, so that makes me a coward. I want do to something important before i run out of time. But i cant think of any. Im not embarrassed to say that, I NEED HELP.. When im alone, doing nothing, i think of crazy stuffs, stupid things that will hurt me and eventually my family and friends. All i want now is to have a plan, to know where im going to. I dont even see a fork on the road for me, just a never ending pavement, blank.. As i go to sleep tonight , ill be praying again to God, to help me find my way. Because im a lost soul.